PORK PIE is an action/ comedy road movie tracking the escapades of a trio of accidental outlaws - THE BLONDINI GANG - as they travel the length of the New Zealand in a yellow mini - protesting conformity and chasing lost love - with a posse of cops and a media frenzy hot in pursuit.
County Donegal, Ireland. Late 1945. Eleven-year- old SEAN O' BRIEN attends a funeral, after his dad AIDEN goes missing at sea, rescuing German U-boat sailors from the rocks.
Sean doesn't believe his dad is drowned and doesn't understand why they would want to bury an empty coffin – but then, Sean also believes his mother was a mermaid, forced back to the sea by accidentally touching salt water. All he knows now is that people think he's an orphan and intend sending him some place far, far away.
The New Zealand Sean arrives in has sacrificed much to the war effort, but is as magical and captivating as any place he could ever read about in one of his fairy tale books. But his AUNT QUINN is another thing altogether.
His mother's sister, Quinn is scripture strict and as cruel as they come. She beats him for the smallest misdemeanour, then beats him again for good measure. Sean has never felt so wretched. When Quinn burns his book of fairy tales as an abomination, he gathers his few possessions and escapes into the night.
With the boy's inheritance at stake, Quinn sets local hunter MEAKIN after him. Meakin is a bloodless creature with the stench of death in his skin and a storm raging in his one good eye. He will catch the boy and bring him back - dead or alive...
With not much more of a plan than to get to Christchurch, Sean follows the railway towards the mountains. Half way through the first day, he comes across a little man repairing a shoe. Sean grabs the man and refuses to let go.
The dwarf 's name is BYRON and he is livid when Sean tells him he believes him to be a leprechaun, and demands his pot of gold. Byron rants and raves, then coaxes and reasons - but Sean's mind is made up, he just won't let go until he has Byron's gold. He needs it to take him all the way home to Ireland.
From this unlikely first meeting the mismatched pair find themselves travelling by road and by rail and by water – always aiming for Christchurch and a ship back to Ireland, always running from the relentless Meakin and his dogs.
Back in the 90's, Brian Chateau-tete was a hairdressing superstar. Avril Lavigne's undercut. Moby's sidies. Celebrities from all over the world had Brian to thank for their signature looks.
But looks change, and by the new millennium, Brian's fifteen minutes of fame are done. Out of fashion and deep in debt, he's working long hours in a small-time salon, yearning for another second in the spotlight.
And that's precisely when fate steps in. And deals him up a coma.
On the news, Brian hears that his sheep-shearing brother has fallen unconscious, he's shorn himself into a come from over-exertion just three weeks out from the World Sheep Shearing Champs, 'The Golden Shears'. Brian's thrilled. Finally he's got a shot at the one thing hairdressing never gave him – the respect of his father, Bob. Dropping everything, Brian heads back to his small country hometown to trade in his scissors for a shearing handpiece. His mission: to win the Golden Shears and his father's love.
There's only one problem. Brian's dad hates his guts.
Bob lost both his arms in a horrendous shearing accident many years ago, and that's the only thing stopping him from uppercutting Brian when he opens the door (with his foot). To him, Brian is proof that the worst sperm can still get through. But Bob's got to face facts. Now that his golden boy is in a coma, Brian is the only shot he's got at fulfilling his lifelong dream - winning the Golden Shears and taking his wife to Fiji.
Bob agrees to coach him. But not to love him.
Now, with a helping hand from a Thai fish and chip shop owner, and a man with no hands at all, Brian must learn the ins and outs of competitive shearing in time for the Golden Shears.
When Lottie's unemployed boyfriend cheats on her with the Home Buy lady, she runs away from her life in Melbourne, flies home to Wellington and moves in with her sister and future brother-in law, Gary. After falling for the wrong man all her life, Lottie is on a quest for a decent one, not perfect, just decent. Lottie doesn't feel like a whole person without a partner so when she starts to fall for another wrong man, she takes matters into her own hands.
An artist and DIY enthusiast, Lottie decides to make her own boyfriends. She sculpts one from tissues, grows one in her kitchen, folds a paper man and knits one to keep her warm at night. But all the men she makes keep turning out way less than perfect and her feelings for Gary are getting in the way.